Self esteem is the basis that defines how your present situation is. It influences you in work, in personal relationships, with your family and your friends. You need these 9 tips on How to Improve your Self-esteem.
A healthy self esteem is essential to achieve everything you propose. That is why many people turn to online psychological therapy: they are not able to respect themselves and have them appreciate them.
Without good self esteem, we find ourselves trapped in the worst of comfort zones. We punish ourselves, and we are not able to achieve anything that we propose. Also, neither television nor social networks seem to help; they continuously compare themselves with others.
There’s always hope. Numerous scientific studies have shown that there are reliable methods to improve your self esteem.
Nine keys to increase your self esteem
I present nine methods that you can use to improve your self esteem. Some will be more related to you than others, but the important thing is that you find yours. There is no single way to gain self confidence. If it is true that each one acts on a specific part of yourself, but on a global level, the results are the same.
1. Go to the origin of your low self esteem
How can we know what needs to be fixed if we do not know what caused it? Most of the problems have their origin in childhood and/or adolescence. We must then look for those moments that could have caused us to lose confidence.
Always keep in mind that those events were processed by the thought of a child or a teenager: it is not an adult brain. Therefore, there will be a bias. Consequently, we must analyze it from the present moment.
How can we find these events?
With the rule of the three why. Let’s see an example:
a) Why am I afraid to talk to men? Because they do not pay attention to me.
b) Why do I think they do not pay attention to me? Because I’m not an exciting person.
c) What makes me think I’m not interesting? Because in high school they told me that he only said nonsense.
You are afraid to talk to men because you fear to say some stupidity. It seems simplistic, but our biggest fears are: they tend to form, as I said, in the minds of children and adolescents.
2. Focus on your values
The human being moves by goals. They are gasoline, the fuel that keeps us going. We ask for wishes; we set goals, we ascend: we always seek to achieve our objectives.
But it is true that setting goals are not everything. They are not stable; they are castles in the air. Being away from a target can cause anxiety, fatigue, sadness, and discouragement. And these feelings do not always push everyone out of the comfort zone.
So, how should I support myself? Focus on your value. They are the ones that define you, those that say who you are, your map, your outline. They are the ones that mark your impulse, where you are going.
Whatever has pushed you not to continue sleeping, to endure sleep, cold and rain are your values: perseverance, overcoming, sacrifice, effort. Unlike goals, costs always accompany you. Thanks to them, your self-esteem can be reinforced.
Are you going to face a challenge? Make a list of your values, choose one of them and for a total of 120 seconds remember why this value is important to you.
3. Look at your strengths
You have, like all, sharp points, which often your low self-esteem prevents you from identifying.
But there is also a technique to identify your strengths:
a) Think of five achievements you have achieved in recent years. If you find it hard to find them, look at your life from the outside, as a spectator. What achievements do you see in that life?
b) What positive personal characteristics were necessary to achieve those achievements? Perseverance? Creativity? Leadership?
Every time you notice that your self-esteem deteriorates, mentally review your list of strengths. They will always be the support on which you will build your achievements. And they are immovable.
4. More reason and less negative thoughts
On the one hand, we have our values, on the other, our personal strengths and, even so, the past continues to influence us, a voice continues to appear inside us that reminds us of failure.
That voice is absolutely irrational. Interpret reality in the worst possible way, even when there is objective evidence to the contrary. It is based on the fear of abandonment, ridicule, focusing on your physique.
How do we overcome this voice and the irrational positive personal characteristics of all those situations of your day to day. Write down the situation, the thoughts and your reaction, as well as the emotions that appear.
Then, before those thoughts, ask yourself three questions:
– Will it happen with a probability of 80-100%?
– In case it happens, what will my life be like?
– What would you say to a friend who is going through the same situation?
Remember that our brain move by schemes. Repeat the same patterns to similar events. Hence, we stumble over the same stone and even become attached to it.
Identifying and questioning negative thoughts is not automatic, at the beginning it requires effort. But if you keep practicing, in the end, it will stop having power over you
In case you are still afraid, It is normal, but I present a strategy called Acceptance and Commitment that will help you overcome beliefs.
Normally, when something worries you, you decide to avoid it, both behaviorally and in your thoughts. But science has already shown that this does not work, but it gives more power to fears. Maybe it’s time we change the strategy. Nothing to ignore them, the key is to stop being attached to them.
If they affect you so much, it is because you believe that you are your thoughts, and that is not the case. You give them all the credibility of the world. By the mere fact of thinking, they already exist and are real. But you are simply an observer.
Does fear invade you? Practice this process:
– Is a thought blocking you? Do not avoid it. Feel that fear, give it your space and respect it.
– Know your fear. Put a name, some features, imagine your physique.
– Help yourself with mindfulness. Think of a spring of water that drags some brown leaves. Your fear goes up in those leaves, the water is dragging and moving away from you little by little.
7. Forgive yourself
Forgiving your mistakes is an indispensable step to strengthen your self esteem: self pity. This strategy is quite recent and is turning around the self esteem of many people.
Self pity consists in treating you emphatically, as you would treat your best friend. Give you support, be understanding, forget about criticism and judgment. Calm and comfort you. It is just an error.
Every time you find yourself criticizing yourself, change that voice for compassion.
8. Be a superhero
The general thought is that our brain influences our emotions and our body posture in a unidirectional way: the brain commands and the body obeys. But research has shown that this is not true at all. Our body, our posture is able to influence our brain and change their thoughts.
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9. Get active
Normally, many of the studies show that most of the techniques make us increase self esteem in a relatively medium term. But certain techniques, like the previous one or the sport have proven to be effective from the minute one.
An exercise of at least 30 minutes will help you feel better about yourself and reinforce your commitment to yourself.
What is the best sport? Really the one that you like the most, the one that at the end makes you be full, I thought about the physical effort.
A good self esteem is the result of effort and perseverance. Start to put these methods into practice. Start loving you as you deserve.